Ready

It hit me this morning while I was running.  I run with music (Don't judge- it's the only thing that keeps me going. Otherwise, I'd stop running.) and  a song came on that was a "camp" song from last summer.  It sank in at that moment.  I'm going to camp!!

Tomorrow at this time, I'll be on a plane, headed to Bartlesville, Oklahoma.  Shortly after that, I'll be in the midst of airport reunions, hugs, and excited talk about what is coming. 

Yep - that's where we're going.
Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma!

While leaving is hard, there are few feelings and moments that I enjoy more than airport reunions. Being 'tackled' in the airport by dear friends that I haven't seen in months: now that is a treasure.

I know that God has been preparing me for this camp season and has been working in my life to sanctify me and bring me to a place where I can faithfully and joyfully serve this summer.  

I am ready to go.  I am ready to learn.  I am ready to serve. I am ready.

Let's go to camp. 

In the Midst of Change

I could write a lot tonight.  I could write several blog posts.  I think I could easily fill a weeks' worth of blogging just tonight.

I could write an entire post on how I don't want to leave home.  I could write about how I have enjoyed the past two weeks of being at home, of how I have laughed until I'm in tears, enjoyed my mom's home cooked food, and sat on the porch swing talking and sharing, watching thunderstorms and watching sunrises.  I could tell stories of the time I've spent with both family and friends and how blessed I have been these two very short weeks at home.

I could write an entire post on piano and how working with my teacher here has sparked a small flame in me again - a passion for music and the piano has grown a little, something that hasn't happened in over a year. I could write about how the pain is still present, but how my heart is more willing and engaged in piano than it has been in quite some time.  I could tell you about these lessons and about how nervous I am that being at camp for so long will extinguish some of my current excitement for piano.

I could write a whole post on how much I am looking forward to camp: how eager I am to arrive in Oklahoma and kick off the summer, to meet up with my fellow staffers and dear friends, to start the weeks of learning, laughter, love, tears and growth.  How thrilled I am to be working with teen girls and to learn to love them and share with them and listen to them.

I have a post-worth of how many things I should accomplish before I leave early Sunday morning (and I do mean early).  About the adventure that packing for 8 weeks can be and how trying to plan so far in advance just doesn't always work.  About how writing devotions for my small groups is both a challenge and a delight.  About how trying to remember everything I need (that I just know I am going to forget) is just not my strong point.

I could write about "Think", by John Piper and how even through just four short chapters of this book, I've already been challenged.  How, even through deep and drawn-out thought processes, Piper manages to challenge the way that I think and what I believe.

I could write about how God is answering prayers, clearly and obviously in so many ways.  How He as shown me that He is listening and sovereign.  How He has taught me how feeble my prayers are and how He is still working and moving despite my failures.

There's so much on my mind.  God has blessed me in so many ways this past week and my heart is full.  I wish I could share with you the depth of my emotions, the things I have learned about the goodness of God and the joy that I have in resting in His sovereignty.

But for now, I will simply leave you with this verse, which is a comfort to my soul: "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."  John 14: 26-27

Packing Up and Heading Out

Camp season is upon us.

For me, right now, in the week I have before I actually leave for camp, that means preparing.  Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?

But planning worship music and teams and scheduling, working on devotions and small group times, reading "Think" (a book we'll discuss at staff training), packing (easier said than done) and preparing my heart and mind for camp season can be a bit overwhelming.

Don't get me wrong: I am very excited for camp.  Now that school has finished for the year and my mind is no longer swirling with music history notes, dates from the 19th century and information on how to interpret the Psalms, I can focus entirely on camp and let my heart get excited for the summer.

My prayers right now are focused on staff training and my students.  In two weeks time, over 60 college students will gather in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, to begin an 8-week journey together.  How these staffers bond, communicate and work at camp is crucial to how well camp runs.  This first week in Bartlesville sets the stage for that and is an important bonding time for each team.   I am excited to meet my fellow staffers and to begin to see the dynamics of our team take shape.  I am also excited (and nervous, too) about beginning the process of putting together the worship team and playing together for the first time.  As a camper, worship was one of my favorite parts of camp, and I know that I want our team to strive for excellence in this area. 

This is my staff team from 2010. 

I am also praying for my students.  Over the course of the summer, I will have about 50 teenage girls in my small groups.  These are the girls that I am most excited to meet and talk to and share with.  These girls come into camp with so many different backgrounds - some excited for camp, some forced to come; some with Christian families, some with very little Christian influence in their life;  some wanting to learn, some there just for fun.  My goal, my passion, my desire, is to see these girls leave camp changed.  To see them come to a deeper and richer understanding of who God is, through our times together, through the way I live my life that week and through conversations that we have, both serious and silly. 

I am reminding myself of a lesson I learned at camp last year, though.  It is not my job to make my girls love camp.  It is not possible for me to force them to love Jesus more.  My job is to love them as Jesus does and to share my passion for His glory with them.  My job is to listen.  My job is to encourage.  And I am praying that God gives me the strength and wisdom to do this well.  Colossians 1:28-29 says this: "Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."  This is my prayer for the summer - that I might proclaim Him and teach with wisdom and grace.  But the part of the verse that really "clicks" when I'm at camp is that I'm struggling and working toward this goal through His energy, through God's strength and not on my own.

I will miss being at home this summer.  I will miss eating 'real' food, and sleeping in my own bed.  I'll miss serving at Vacation Bible School at my church and being with the elementary kids.  And living out of a suitcase…well, it's not the most exciting part of camp. 

But I am thrilled to be leaving. I am excited to grow and learn this summer, to change and be challenged and to help others do the same.  I am excited to invest in the lives of girls - both students and staffers.  I am excited to be with my team - to laugh, to cry, to share, to pray together.  

Memories made at camp last a life time. 

I'm not a huge fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson (not really a fan at all) but this quote rang true with me: "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." 

Picking Out Eggshells

Analogies. They all break down at some point.  BUT, until they do, I find them quite useful.  Sometimes, I think analogies make more sense then the thing they are trying to describe.

My piano teacher here at home has used an analogy before that makes perfect sense.  She tells her students that working on technique and notes and making them perfect and then going back and trying to add dynamics and emotion to a piece is like baking a cake and then trying to add the eggs.  She mentioned this analogy to me in my lesson this past week. 

And my mind, as it is prone to do, began thinking about this cake-baking analogy and expanding it (warping it?) to fit my own situation. 

Here is what I came up with:

I've been baking a cake, for years now. And just recently, I've come to realize (and been shown), that I have baked a cake with eggshells in it.  So now, I'm trying to go back and pick out all the eggshells…all without actually ruining the cake.  It's hard work.  It's meticulous.  It gets boring.  It gets frustrating.  And trying to accomplish this task without ruining the cake is one of the hardest things I have had to do. There are times when I'm certain I've ruined my cake entirely.  It looks hopeless and I feel like throwing the whole cake out.  There are times when I want to give up and just keep the cake with the eggshells in it.  But I could never enjoy my cake, knowing that there are eggshells in it.

One of the frustrating parts of this task I've undertaken is having people tell me what a beautiful cake I have, and how I've worked so hard on this cake, and how much I loved this cake, and then asking why I would ever want to throw it out.  But picking out eggshells is a difficult task and there are many days when I no longer see the beauty of the cake, when I don't care how long I've worked at making this cake, and when giving up the cake sounds so much better then attempting to keep a crumbling cake together.

I can understand what they see:  they see the completed task - an eggshell-free cake - changed from how it was three years ago, but still a cake.  Still edible, still delicious, still something to be proud of.  They see what the finished product could be without all the eggshells.  And they try to encourage me to keep working at my task. 

While it can be frustrating to hear these comments when I think I'd rather have people tell me "You're right.  Just throw the cake out", it is the words of these people that keep me going on the days when it gets hard.  It is these people that I know will stick around and cheer me on and encourage my efforts.  Some of these people have even sat and helped me pick out eggshells. 

And so I carry on, picking out eggshells and striving to take what seems like a completely ruined creation at times, and make it into something beautiful.

My cake is chocolate. Of Course. 

Thank you to all of you who help me pick out eggshells, and to those who remind me that it's worth it.  Some days, you're the only thing that keeps me working at this task.  Thank you for your patient guidance and your faithful encouragement.  You are God's blessings to me. 

"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and the one who waters will himself be watered." Proverbs 11:25

"I Need More Hello's"

Goodbyes are bittersweet.  

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

They say the longer the waiting, the sweeter the reunion.

I'd rather skip all that and just not say goodbye. 

It's the end of another school year and I am realizing how many of my friends are seniors. 

Most importantly, the realization that my sister has graduated and is not coming back to school next year is just beginning to sink into my mind.  She's been my best friend as long as I can remember and saying goodbye in August, when she leaves for 2 years, will be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I don't have many more of my own words to add but here are some good quotes that I've enjoyed reading and some verses that I am holding onto:

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn't work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos."  ~Charles M. Schulz

**I know how Charles Schulz feels. More hellos would be good.  

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."  ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

**While 'lucky' is not the word I would use, I am very grateful that this goodbye is as hard as it is.

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."  ~Author Unknown

**Amen. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."

Lamentations 3:22-26 and 32

"And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."

1 John 4:21

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord..."

Jeremiah 29:11-14a 

"Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you."

I Samuel 12:24

In the end, it all comes down to this: Fear God.

I serve a mighty God, greater than distance and time, whose knowledge surpasses all of mankind's, whose wisdom and strength are indescribable, whose grace is impossible to fathom.  I serve a God bigger than all my pain and problems.  His mercies are new every morning.  His faithfulness reaches to the skies.

On this truth I will stand, and with this knowledge, I will joyfully face each coming day, even the ones when I have to say goodbye. 

My beautiful sister and I.

A typical type of interaction.

Thankful

Today I am thankful for breath.

I had a VCD (vocal chord dysfunction) attack today on my run - it was typical and I recovered quickly, but I was reminded of the days when I couldn't run or do aerobic exercise for more than 5 minutes without losing my ability to breathe.

I am reminded of sitting at CHOP waiting to see a doctor to be diagnosed, surrounded by patients who struggle to breathe all the time. 

I am thankful for air.  And lungs that work properly.  And being able to breathe.

Today I am thankful for bare walls, packing boxes and empty hallways.

I am reminded of how full this year was, packed with memories, long nights, friendships that grew and things that I learned.

Endings always make me sad, and this ending is no different, but I am grateful for the year at school that I have had.

I am thankful for the 'moving out' process.

Today I am thankful for summer warmth.

I think Grove City skipped out on Spring this year.  We had clouds and rain and cold until this past Thursday.  Now it's 82* and sunny.

I missed this warmth during the school year, but I am certainly not complaining about it's arrival.

I am thankful for a new season.

Today I am thankful for answers to prayer.

I've been studying prayer for awhile, learning that I often pray without expecting God to actually answer.

This morning, He answered a prayer in a obvious way, just minutes after I prayed it. 

I am thankful for a faithful God, who always keeps His promises.

Today I am thankful for challenges.

As I look ahead, to the next few weeks, to the summer spent at Worldview Academy and just to the future in general, I know that there are things coming up that will challenge me: musically, spiritually, relationally, emotionally, physically.

I am excited to face them, knowing that my God is bigger and knowing that through them, God will continue to sanctify me.

I am thankful that I can "do hard things". 

Thankful, by Caedmon's Call = such a good song. 

                 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoQnsg1bXsY

Springtime is Here

I went outside into the 72* weather today and dodged couples and bees to take a few pictures of the Spring that has finally arrived on campus.  It fully arrived on study day and I have spent the better part of every day since then (Thursday) inside studying or taking my finals.  I wish I could send the scents of the outdoors and the sounds to you through this page. It is impossible to have a bad day when you are surrounded by the glory of God. 

However, you will have to make do with a few pictures.  Unfortunately, while they give a glimpse of Spring, they certainly aren't worth the "thousand words" that pictures are famed to be.

These beautiful purple flowers are in the
bed beneath my favorite tree on campus.  

There's just something striking about the American flag
waving under a blue sky. 

Beautiful pink azaleas

One of my favorite walkways on campus -
now brightly decorated with flowering trees. 

Tulips, while beautiful, will always make me quote 'Picture Perfect':
"Look!  Tulips! A member of the lily family." -Bob
"Look! It's Bob. A member of the doofus family." -Alan

This guy was housing a bee until right when I snapped the picture. 

wild flowers

I love looking up through flowers to see the sun.

"And out of the ground the Lord God made to spring up every tree  that is pleasant to  the sight..." Genesis 2:9a.

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God will stand forever." Isaiah 40:8

Success

I am sitting in my room.  It's Friday.  I'm finished with classes for Junior Year.  All I have left is 4 finals.  However, I'm not currently studying.

I am thinking about success.  What does it mean to succeed?  

                 Is success getting all 'A's? 

Is success graduating and getting a 'good' job? 

                                            Is success simply passing my classes?

         Is success doing my best?

                              Is success solely determined by how others see me?

     Is success concerned with how others see me at all?

                   Is success finding joy?

I went to the ESV Bible online and typed in 'success'; it gave me several passages with the word 'success' in them.  The passages covered a multitude of things, ranging from Jacob successfully finding game to kill (Gen. 27:20), Joseph becoming successful in Pharaoh's household (Gen. 39:2), David being successful at whatever Saul assigned to him (1 Sam. 18:14), Nehemiah praying for success in building the wall and having his request granted (Neh. 1:11), and David praying for success in the Psalms (Ps. 118:25).

There was one thing that seemed to be in common with each of these: the success that came to each one was of the Lord's doing. Jacob told his father that the Lord granted Him success.  Genesis 39 says that the Lord was with Joseph and he became successful. The passage in 1 Samuel tells us that David had success because the Lord was with him.  Nehemiah is praying for success, asking God to help. David's prayer in the Psalm also points to God as the sole giver of success.

It is clear then, that success comes solely from the hand of God.

Success is living within the blessing of God. 

John Calvin frames it this way:  "It follows that we should not eagerly contend for riches and honours, trusting to our own dexterity and assiduity [attentiveness], or leaning on the favour of men, or confiding in any empty imagination of fortune; but should always have respect to the Lord, that under his auspices [help; support] we may be conducted to whatever lot he has provided for us."

Success is being satisfied wholly with Christ.  Being content in all circumstances, in all situations, knowing that God has given you all that you need for life and godliness.  (I know, I mixed together about 3 Scripture verses there…)

I am not very good at thinking that way.  I easily forget and revert back to the world's ideas of success.  So many times, I measure myself and my success by my grades, by other people's opinions of me, by whether I'm excelling in my classes.  Finals time is especially challenging.  I base my 'worth' and my 'value' on my grades.  If this is the standard, if my grades define me, then my worry, my stress, my attempts at perfection are necessary and understandable.

But I am reminded today that my success is not based on what grades I receive.  My worth is based on what happened on a cross, some 2,000 years ago.  My success, the blessing of life, the joy of each day is founded in Christ and His infinite worth.  Put in the light of the cross and the light of eternity, my finals don't look so big any more.  Charles Stanley, preaching on the power of prayer, put it this way: "When you take your problems to God, they shrink, because you are reminded of how big your God is." 

May my success over the next four days be finding out how big my God is and rejoicing in the knowledge He has given me, even as I work and study and take my finals.

May your success be founded in Christ alone.  May you be reminded as you walk through each day, that true success is in the blessings of God, not in anything the world could hand you.

On a humorous note: I found this picture about finals and think it's highly entertaining. 

Storytime

Let me tell you a story about a boy who cried wolf.

What's that?  You know this story? 

Well then, let me tell you a story about a school that sets off the fire alarm on a regular basis.

Once upon a time, when a certain young girl was in high school and younger, whenever she heard a fire alarm, she would quickly stop whatever she was doing and get outside. Sometimes, she would leave the building without even getting a coat.  In her elementary school, fire alarms were taken seriously and although there she never experienced having a real fire in the building, twice a school year the school would have drills.  The girl was taught to teach these warning bells with serious and quick reactions.  She learned this at home too. 

Then, the girl graduated and she went off to college. Little did she know of the changes that would take place.  Here, the fire alarms went off on a much more regular basis.  The girl took them seriously her first semester of school, exiting the building in a hurry and joining the group of girls that would congregate outside the building. 

Then one time, her second semester, she slept through the fire alarm (clearly, this was the result of serious exhaustion due to long hours of studying, due to the amount of homework she was given by each of her teachers).  No one checked on her, and her roommate wasn't present to wake her.  She awoke the next morning and learned of the fire alarm.  In this case, though, there had been a real (albeit very small) fire, in the water fountain downstairs (don't ask, nobody knows how that works). 

Then came her sophomore and junior year.  Little things set of these very touchy fire alarms and a microwave mishap would set them off easily.  The girl lived right near a doorway and after 4 false alarms in one semester, her behavior began to change. (This is where that initial story of the Boy who cried Wolf comes in handy). 

Now, the girl sometimes makes sure she has important things before leaving her room.

Her thought process has changed to this: "Oh, dang. Another fire. Well, I need my coat. Should I wear gloves? Mmm...maybe I should put my contacts in. Let me get some homework, who knows how long this will last. Oh! Food. I need food. And I should turn off my laptop. Oh. Maybe I should leave the dorm."  Eventually, she exits.

Now, if she didn't live right near an exit, perhaps she would leave a bit quicker.  But repetitive false alarms teach one to throw caution and old habits to the wind.

Moral of the story: (funny, it's the same as the moral of the Boy who cried Wolf) "Nobody believes a liar, even when they're telling the truth."

This story may or may not be entirely true. And I may or may not be pretty closely related to the girl in the story.

How close is pretty close, you ask?

Pretty darn.

P.S.  If you don't know the story of the Boy who cried Wolf: 

        1) shame on you.

        2) here's a link. go read it. 

                   http://www.storyarts.org/library/aesops/stories/boy.html

The End.