Who Are You, O Man?

I am angry at God.

Or maybe just struggling to the point that it feels like anger.

I want to ask Him why and I want an answer. 

I plead with David:

"How long, O Lord, will you look on?" [Psalm 35:17]

"How long, O God, is the foe to scoff?  Will the enemy revile your name forever?" [Psalm 74:10]

"Return, O Lord! How long?" [Psalm 90:13]

And I speak as the martyrs do:

"O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge their blood?" [Rev 6:10]

I cry out, pleading for understanding as to why He lets His children suffer so.  I beg for wisdom to grasp His nature and how and why He can choose to save some and not others. 

These questions drive me to Romans chapter 9.  By now, it is a familiar chapter, and I know what I will find but I read it again.

"God speaks to Moses, 'I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.'  So then, it depends not on human will or exertion, but on GOD, who has mercy."

"So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills."

[Romans 9:15-16 and 18]

Paul rightly guesses my next question, putting his finger on my anger:

"You will say to me then, 'Why does He still find fault? For who can resist His will?" [Romans 9:19]

And I want so badly to hear an explanation.  To grasp a reason that my puny little mind can wrap itself around.

And then I hear Paul's words, reproving me:

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God?" [Romans 9:20]

Ouch.

The question throws my thoughts to Job and I realize that I, like him, am questioning God and demanding answers that are not mine to know.

I flip to Job and read chapters 38-41 as the Lord himself answers Job, taking up four chapters.

I cringe as I see Job's (and my) blatant ignorance displayed in the face of the wisdom of Almighty God.

I see my smallness as God talks of His power and might and I realize, as God describes His creation and His control over it, that I, too, am a creature of God's.  I am His creation.

Job speaks up only once during God's questioning and it is to say this:

"Behold. I am of small account: what shall I answer you?

I lay my hand over my mouth.

I have spoken once, and I will not answer;

Twice, but I will proceed no further." [Job 40:4-5]

I want to be angry with God.  I want my anger to be justified, until I realize that I am a fallen creature of a Holy God.  That the mercy that God shows has been poured out on me. 

I am of small account.

What shall I answer Him?

Who am I, to answer back to God?

With Job, I come to this conclusion:

"I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.

Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."

I want to end this post 'happy' with uplifting words, but I think, sometimes, it is best to simply be humbled before the Lord.

That is where I leave you: where I am, on my face before the might and power of my God.