Satisfaction in Sovereignty

It's been a bit.
Blame it on the Hurricane.  It's a good excuse these days.

Here's some notes that I read this morning out of the book "Taste and See" by John Piper.  It's a book filled with short devotionals that I've been working through. They are often quite challenging or encouraging and I plan to reread the book at least once.  In comparison to most of Piper's other books, this one is easy to understand and I don't have to reread every sentence to comprehend it!

I won't rewrite the whole thing, but here's some bits and pieces from number 89: "The Sovereignty of God: A Precious and Practical Doctrine":

The sovereignty of God is a most precious doctrine. 
The word "sovereignty" does not occur in the Bible. I use it to refer to this truth: God is in ultimate control of the world, from the largest international intrigue to the smallest bird-fall in the forest. 

The Bible puts it this way: "I am God and there is no other...my counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all my purpose" (Isaiah 46:9-10). "He is unchangeable and who can turn him? What he desires, that he does. For he will complete what he appoints for me" (Job 23:13-14).  "Our God is in the heavens; he does whatever he pleases" (Psalm 115:3). 

One reason this doctrine is so precious to believers is that we know that God's great desire is to show mercy and kindness to those who trust him. Therefore, the mercy and sovereignty of God are the twin pillars of my life. They are the hope of my future, the energy of my service, the center of my theology, the bond of my marriage, the best medicine in all my sickness, the remedy of all my discouragements. 

George Mueller writes this when his wife lay dying of a fever: "Thou [God] wilt do the very best thing for her, and for me, whether life or death...only help me to continue to be perfectly satisfied with Thy holy will."

Taken from: Piper, John.  Taste and See. pp: 266-268. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005. Print.  

Mueller words hit me this morning.  How often do I complain about things going wrong in life: having no electricity because of the hurricane; it's too cold out, or too hot, or too rainy or not rainy enough; I don't like the clothes I have or the food I have to eat; I want more or less; I am not satisfied.
This is God's will for me. That I live each day satisfied in Him, knowing He is sovereign and in control, knowing that whatever happens for me is for my deepest and highest good (Romans 8:28, Psalm 84:11). He is sanctifying me and making me holy, so what happens to me is not always easy or "fair" or pleasant, but it is for my good and He is loving me through every day.

Let us be satisfied with Him today and take our stand upon in His sovereignty over all things.

A Longing

Yesterday, I had a 2-inch needle stuck into my knee for a shot of cortisone.  I'm 22. I should hardly need cortisone shots in my knee.
What's wrong with my knee you ask?  Well, I think the general answer is that it's "old".  I've overused it through gymnastics, injured it by hyper-extending it numerous times and beat the poor thing up. So at 22, I have a body that is already slowing down and having trouble keeping up. Great.

This makes me long for a body that is whole, complete and finished.  It makes me long for the day when we no longer need doctors, and hospitals, have no more pain, cry no more tears, no longer injure, break, sprain, or twist anything and there is no more sickness.

I long to be whole, not only in body, but in mind and spirit: to be wholly sanctified and please my Father in Heaven, to spend eternity in His goodness and light.

I long for Heaven.

I used to think about Heaven as one long church service.  Don't get me wrong: I love my church. And I love attending church and church functions. I am close with my church family and truly enjoy being there and worshiping with them. But an eternity-long church service does not sound "heavenly" to me.

Thankfully, I have grown up and read a few more books and studied Scripture a little more and have come to realize that Heaven is SO much more than a church service.  It's an eternity of discovering the mysteries, the wonders, the goodness and love of our infinite, faithful God.  It's an eternity of fellowshipping with the children of God.  It's being constantly in the presence of God and bathed in his light and his love. An eternity of joy and peace and growth. And that sounds far more inviting and thrilling and wonderful.

I have no idea what this might "physically" look like and the pictures in my head are probably far less magnanimous than Heaven actually is.  After all, how can my finite mind come up with any idea of what heaven might look like??
But can you imagine God's library? Or His flower garden?  Or His vegetable garden?  Can you imagine the colors we might see? And the sounds and tastes and smells?
Everything touched by the hand of God and no longer tainted by sin. 

Oh, I'm ready.  I'm so ready.

May God grant us the blessing of tasting and seeing that He is good, even here, upon the earth [Psalm 34:8].  May we cling to the hope that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, even while we eagerly await being taken home to eternity [Psalm 27:13].

Questions...

A few questions to ponder, straight from Scripture:

"What is man, that you are mindful of him and the son of man, that you care for him?" [Psalm 8:4]

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?" [Romans 8:35]

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" [Romans 8:31]

"And [Jesus] said, 'Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?'" [Matthew 8:26]

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth." [Isaiah 40:28]

"But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?" [Galatians 4:9]

"And why are you anxious about clothing? If God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" [Matthew 6:28 and 30]

"Who are you, O man, to answer back to God?" Will what is molded say to is molder, 'Why have you made me like this?'" [Romans 9:20]

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" [Romans 8:32]


The answers to these questions can also be found in Scripture and provide such a firm foundation to face each day with hope and confidence. 
May we remind ourselves of the breadth and length and height and depth of Christ's love for us (Eph 3:18).

Thought Bubble of the Day

I forget that God is with me.
I forget that the "God-man", Jesus, faced every temptation, just as I do.
I forget that God suffered and died.
I forget that God is mighty.
I forget that the Spirit prompts in whispers.
I forget that He uses other people to teach me.
I forget that He IS accomplishing and He WILL accomplish His purpose in my life.
I forget.

"But the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating even to dividing the soul and the spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." [Hebrews 4:12]

So I go back. And let the truth of God's word penetrate my heart. And remember. And cling. And hope. And let the Spirit speak through it's pages. And stand upon the faithful promises of God - "for all the promises of God find their "yes" in [Christ]" (2 Corinthians 1:20).

Let's remember and live victorious in the promises and work of God today.

Blessed

The night it all began... NYC, July 2010

See that handsome man up there in the photo with me?  On that evening, we were simply friends, taking a picture in the middle of a walk around downtown New York City. Touring the East Coast with Worldview Academy, serving as the leadership team, we had no idea what the future held...and now, I am so thrilled to say that that amazing man will one day soon be my husband.

We're Engaged!!!

Mark is such a huge blessing in my life. I could fill pages on this blog about our story, his characteristics, why I fell in love with him, and what God has taught me through my relationship with him. 

God has blessed us with supportive parents, faithful friends, praying people and His gracious mercy throughout the two and half years that I have known him. We have served together, laughed together, cried together, worked together and I am abundantly happy to be continuing our journey together. 

"In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." [1 John 4:10]

God is so gracious. 

We are praying that God would use our relationship to bring Him glory - that the way we live, interact, pray, work and love would be a testament to His grace, mercy, patience, kindness and forgiveness. We are praying that God sanctifies us through this marriage, as hard and painful as that will sometimes be.  Please be praying with us as we continue this journey and take the next step in our relationship.

Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

1 Thessalonians 5:23, "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

"Picture Perfect"

[This is a simple post. It's just me being thankful for my family.]

"Family...it's absolutely everything." -Ernie Barrett

Have you ever seen the Feature Films for Family video called "Picture Perfect"? If you haven't, just stop by my house sometime and my family will recite it for you. The whole thing. We watched that movie so many times that my mother finally hid it.  I'm not sure the video would even work any more. It's a good movie, however, and very memorable. 

Ernie, one of the characters in the movie says that quote above, about family being absolutely everything.   True, Christ comes before the family, but it is Christ who has ordained the family order and puts us together. 
That is something my dad has prayed for a long time - thanking God for putting us together as a family. 

I can't imagine my life without any of my siblings or my parents.  I have come to realize, as I have gone through life, how blessed in abundance I am for the family that I have. So many families these days are broken, dealing with the harsh and long-lasting consequences of sin.  Our family is by no means perfect, but we enjoy each others company, have family dinners that last for several hours and I often laugh more with my family than I do with anyone else. This past weekend, for the first time since Christmas, my entire family was together for just an afternoon, while out at Grove City College for homecoming.  It was also the first time the whole family was together with all the "significant others" in the family. We spent time at the park just being together and it was a great afternoon.  Here's a picture of the "kids":

All together for the very first time!

God has shown me his kindness and his mercy through my family.  He has taught me how to show grace and what being shown grace looks like through my siblings and my parents.  He has shown himself faithful beyond words as He continually blesses us. I do not know why He has poured out His grace on us in this way. I only know that I am thankful. 

The six of us

Thoughts from...Right Now

My Random Thoughts of the Moment:

1) I strongly dislike being woken up in the middle of the night...unless it is by my sister-in-law who has come to visit! Then being woken up is encouraged.

2) Fall is back!! If you've read early posts on this blog, you know I was a huge fan of Fall.
                    I still am. 
The cool breezes, crisp air, warm lights in the house, candles burning, the scent of pumpkins and leaves and the changing season, crunchy leaves, autumn colors...I could go on for awhile. I think it's wonderful.

3) It is only 10:17 in the morning and I have already had to deal with throw-up, several dirty diapers, being bitten and two screaming children.  Welcome to the world of motherhood?
                 
4) It is only 10:17 in the morning and I have already gotten to see cute baby smiles, to hear a child giggling, to see a child trying to stand on her own, to hold two sweet baby girls, to have a child "rawr" at me oh-so-adorably. I like being a nanny. 

5) It is amazing how changing your perspective on something can totally change your attitude, your day, your outlook on life...

6) Psalm 37 was really good today: Trust in the Lord, delight in the Lord, commit your way to the Lord. This is what is "required" of me.

7) I like apples. I'll eat apples. (I especially like apples with caramel.) But I have come to realize that I like the idea of eating apples far more than I actually enjoy eating them.
               Applesauce, however...now that's a whole different story. I could eat that at every meal. 

8) Toys that sing and talk should have been banned long ago. Whoever thought those up clearly never had children.

9) Nap-times provides a wonderful 30 minutes of peace and just enough time for blogging, cup of hot cider in hand...

10) A waking child indicates the end of such a time and a return to "reality"...

Until later...

My Plans

It's funny to look back and see how I used to plan out my future - week to week, month to month, even years ahead.  I have journaled since I was 15 and rereading those journals is both scary and encouraging - scary to see how crazy I was...and encouraging to see what God has done with that crazy 15-year-old.
And there are definitely humorous parts as I read things I was certain I would do with my life. How I wanted to be an author...and a missionary to China...and a teacher...and there was a point in my life where I was most certainly going to be an actress.
My oh my. How God has changed those plans!!
Yet here, at 22, I still find myself planning my life and expecting God to follow me instead of me following Him.  I read somewhere (I can't currently remember where) that we often invite God to be a part of every plan for our life...instead of seeking to be a part of His plan for our life.
I read in James 4 this morning these verses:
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' - yet you do now know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that'." [James 4:13-15]
I have read these verses before and the end result is that I stick "If the Lord wills" in front of my planning and then I continue on...but am I really seeking the Lord's will?  Do I desire to follow His plan?  "If the Lord wills"...reminds me of Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of a man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps."
God has determined a course for my life and I should be actively seeking it.  I should be seeking to bring Him glory through my day-to-day life - that His will would be done through my words and my plans and my actions.
One of the words that hit me in that passage from James was the word "live".  It says, "If the Lord wills, we will live..."  There it is. Without God, without Him continuing to give me breath - I will not even live another day. How then, can I plan out my future without realizing that it is God who will direct my steps?  That God is the one who has given me gifts, passions, desires, circumstances and counsel to lead and move me?

Oh, that we would live, listening to the Spirit's voice, seeking the face of God, and moving in response to His guidance. I know that God has led me to where I am today - even through many directional 'missteps' of mine. It is His hand that is over my tomorrow. I pray that He continues to teach me to hear his voice, that I might respond as Samuel, and Isaiah. "Here I am, Lord. Send me." That I would remember that it is the Lord who wills me to live and that it is His mercy that leads me through each day.

Sweeping the Streets

I reread "Safely Home" by Randy Alcorn over the past week. 
It truly is one of the most convicting, best books I've ever read. It is a wonderful mixture of story and truth, theology and plot. The rise and fall of the drama is interesting and captivating.  The behind-the-scenes glimpses into Heaven create a longing for this place that I have never felt before. The characters are convincing and easy to relate to. 
Alcorn is an excellent author. 
But, I'm not here to sell the book - although, please, if you haven't read it, put it on the book list. 

In the middle of the book, Alcorn has his main character quote Martin Luther. Here is Luther's quote:
"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well."

I've read this book a couple of times, and every time, this quote hits me. There are so many days when I feel like I'm not doing enough for God, or "big enough" things for Him - that my little corner of the world is small and insignificant.

I forget that God created this corner as well as every other space. As CS Lewis puts it "There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan." God has claimed my corner for His glory. 

I forget that the people I come in contact with were designed by Him and for Him, just as the Chinese Christians were, the Iraqi Muslims, the Worldview students, the Central American Indians...

I am called to serve as a nanny right now. As a gymnastics coach. As a piano teacher. As a sister. As a friend. As a daughter. 

My calling is this - to nanny so well that "all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great [nanny] who did [her] job well";  to nanny so that the God who claims this corner in space and time will be glorified by my actions, words and thoughts.  To be faithful to where God has brought me and to the task that He has appointed to me. 

I pray that wherever you are, whatever your task today, that you would be faithful to your calling, that you might be a great "street sweeper" who does his job well. 

The Innocence of Babes

I sit in the living room watching two precious nine-month-old girls sleep. 
I started this nanny job on Monday and I have loved almost every minute of it.  I don't mind the dirty diapers, to getting baby slime on my face, or even having my hair pulled, truly. 
It does get a bit stressful when both twins decide to scream at the same moment, and they aren't tired, aren't hungry and don't have dirty diapers.  Then, I'm at a loss. But for the most, part, this job has been a delight. All 3 days of it. 
I'll let you know how I feel about in about 3 months, okay? 

One of the things I noticed yesterday was this. 
These little girls mostly play in the living room.  There is an area rug and a play mat and a bunch of toys. Not too many, but a good number.  The girls, having just started to crawl, pretty much stay in this one room.  There must be at least 20 different toys sitting in this living room, but somehow, they both seem to constantly want what the other has. Little E might be chewing on a toy, but M has no problem crawling over and taking it straight out of her hand to chew on it herself.  Clearly, while they don't mind sharing spit, they do mind sharing toys, as E begins to wail and M sits and stares at her, all the while sucking happily on E's toy. 
Oh, little girls. 

How sin permeates this world, even little one's that can't even talk yet! Selfishness, greed, envy...it seems hard to put such mean words on two "innocent" children.  Surely, these actions are just foolish unawareness.  But E's reaction, her crying demands that "her" toy be returned to her seem to say different. 

We're all born into sin. Scripture says that we are born sinners: Psalm 51:5 says that we all come into the world as sinners: "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me."
Born into sin, we continue in it, set free only through the redeeming work of Christ. And only by the power of the Spirit are we able to live free of the heavy bonds of sin. 

I pray that these two little girls might come to know this God, to understand his saving grace and be set free from the chains and consequences of sin. 

I pray that we might be more grateful today and more thankful, for the saving work of Jesus in our life and for the presence of the Spirit within us. 

In this Moment...

Today I did laundry. I cleaned the car. I went to the grocery store.  I made dinner. I checked the mail. I practiced piano.

All normal, run-of-the-mill activities for a girl without a job, currently living at home.

I also remembered.  This time last year, and the year before, and the year before, I was in Bartlesville, Oklahoma.  Staff training for Worldview Academy is this week and it is the first time in three years that I am not attending.  This will be the first summer in four years in which I see no part of camp.

It's a good thing, this moving on.  My time serving at camp is over, and I know that I have other things to which I am called.  But it is strange to be on the outside of camp.  It is odd to not be part of the stories, the meetings, the lectures, the meals…

It is just hitting me this week that I am not at camp.  My departure from camp occurred last August, at least physically, but it took this year's staff training pictures appearing on Facebook for my mind to catch up. 

I know that I will enjoy things this summer that I have not been able to do because of camp, such as Vacation Bible School with my church, seeing extended family, spending nights with my own family talking and sharing life together.

This transition is just one of many that I am going through or will go through in the near future, and it is easy to be overwhelmed by the changes.  It takes stepping back and reminding myself of truth - talking to myself, instead of listening to my feelings - to remind myself that God is taking me somewhere and doing a work in my life that started long before camp and will continue long after camp.  He promises us in Philippians chapter one that He will continue the work He has started in us.  I know this is true and this is the truth I cling to as life shifts around me.  God is working in me through each of these situations, all of these changes and transitions and through every day.

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will stand upon the earth."  [Job 19:25]

A Grove City Grad!

I am a Grove City College graduate. 
Which is kinda crazy, I'll admit.  It is odd to think that four years have gone by already.  I can't say that they flew - some of those years felt quite long, but the fact that they are ended - well, it seems abrupt.

I don't think that it has truly sank in yet.  The ending of this year was exactly the same as the past three years, except for the fact that this year, I wore the cap and gown instead of my sister or brother.  I am not sure that the knowledge that college is over will truly hit me until I do not return in August, when my little brother leaves home to return to school.

However, I was driving home from Grove City on Saturday, after the graduation ceremony had ended and it was a mixture of emotions, for certain.
I was elated - I had finished college!  I had a diploma in my hand and four years of classes, learning and growth behind me.
I was tired - it had been a long week of packing and "last" meals with friends. It had been a morning of standing and anticipation and sweating in my black gown, waiting to cross the stage.
I was happy - I was with my family - my sister had flown in from Honduras to see me graduate!! - and we were all together for a short while.
I was sad - I said goodbye to my roommate and dear friends that I am not certain when I will see next. I was leaving behind the place that had been "home" to me for four years.
I was uncertain - my next year in life isn't clearly planned out or figured out yet and for someone who is a planner, this can be stressful.

I was staring out the window at one point on the trip home and letting emotions and thoughts just roll through my head.  And I remember thinking at one point, "Oh God, I am so uncertain.  I feel as if I have nothing solid under my feet."
Now, I am not a person who hears God audibly speak to me and hearing God's voice has been a difficulty and struggle for me for as long as I have been a Christian.  But He answered that thought.
He said, "Emily. I am your solid ground."

It doesn't matter what comes tomorrow.  What matters is right now - and right now, God has me in the palm of His hand and He's not letting go. He has a plan for my life.  He isn't changing.  I may be moving out of Grove City and not coming back, but my God is certain.  He is the same here in my hometown as He is out at Grove City.

I am excited for this next step in my journey, thrilled to be on a new page, and I am confident that my God is with me.  

I'm not a fan of "The Message" (a translation of the Bible), but I got a journal for graduation that has Exodus 33:14 written on the cover in the translation of the Message. It reads this way: 

"My presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end."  

The verse translated in the English Standard Version reads this way:

"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest."

God will see me through this journey and when I reach Heaven's gates, I will rest in His presence throughout all eternity.  But for now, as Ephesians 2:10 reminds us, there are good works prepared in advance for me to do - here in my hometown. And God will be my solid ground throughout this journey. 


"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 3:14.

For My Mom

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. 

And it is making me think.  I have realized over the past couple of years that I have a passion and excitement to be a wife and a mother.  I long to see God teach, train, sanctify and use me through those roles to glorify Him and point others to Christ.

But as I contemplate this, I wonder if a part of my desire to do this comes because of the mother that I have had.  I have been overly blessed with a mother who serves both her husband and children faithfully over the past 28 years or so.  I know that I don't fully understand the amount of sacrifice, time, effort and love that my mother has poured into this role and "lifetime" job.  But as I grow older, I have begun to see a little more of the 'behind-the-scenes' of being a mom.  I have begun to appreciate more and more the many things she has done and continues to do not just for me, but for my three siblings and my father.

I found this poem and thought it rather accurate in describing my relationship with my mother:

"When you're a child she walks before you,

To set an example. 

When you're a teenager she walks behind you

To be there should you need her. 

When you're an adult she walks beside you

So that as two friends you can enjoy life together."

[Author Unknown]

Thanks, Mom.  For walking beside me these days, and encouraging me, and being a friend.  Your advice and wisdom mean so much to me.  Thank you for making me laugh and for teasing me.  I love you.

Unchanging One

I've returned...again.

Here's what's on my mind (and has been for some time):

I struggled this semester with worry.  I don't normally consider myself a big worrier, but this semester, I found myself anxious quite a bit.  It was disconcerting and most certainly not a good way to live.  Worry could turn a typical day into a day filled with frustration and tears.  Small things suddenly looked so much bigger.  Tiny problems were insurmountable.  I worried about getting my work done. I worried I wasn't learning enough.  I worried that the pain in my elbows would return. I worried about what would (and will) happen after graduation.  I worried about the future. A lot.

This is a simple thing, but here's the conclusion I reached: worrying doesn't fix anything.

I worry because I feel like I can somehow affect the outcome of the situation. 

But I can't worry my way into a good day.

I finally decided to do something about this.  I realized that part of the problem was my lack of faith.  I was living in opposition to what I often tell myself - that God is sovereign.  I was living as if God wasn't in control and didn't know what was going on.

So I began to study God's faithfulness. 

Faithful. 

Dictionary.com's definition:

faith·ful

 [feyth-fuhl] 

adjective

1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty:             a faithful worker.

2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.

3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant:          faithful friends.

4. reliable, trusted, or believed.

5. adhering or true to fact, a standard, or an original;       accurate:

God never changes.  He is constant and true. 

"He is a spirit, infinite and eternal and unchanging in being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness and truth." [JI Packer, Knowing God]  

I think I like to tell myself that God has to 'prove' Himself trustworthy and then I will trust him.  If he is faithful in this circumstance, then I will trust him.  What faulty logic! I have the entire Old AND New Testament to see not only God's faithfulness to his people but his patience with them in their sin, his grace to them and the abounding love that he pours out on them.

I can rest secure in today, knowing that God is faithful.  He has been faithful in the past and he is unchanging - he will remain faithful in the future. 

God will not carry me through to graduation, just to leave me once I cross that stage.

"Sorry. This is as far as I go. Good luck!"

He will finish what he has begun in me, as Philippians 1 promises me.  I can be confident that my God is greater and stronger and that He will remain my protector, provider and Savior.

I continue to study God's faithfulness, if only to remind this forgetful mind of mine that God truly is unchanging and I can face today, and tomorrow, boldly, without worry. 

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. 

Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. 

It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."

[Psalm 127:1-2]

It's Raining, It's Pouring

I spend my last few minutes of precious peace and quiet staring out the window.  Chapel will dismiss soon and students will come rushing back up to the building I now occupy, flooding it with noise. But for now, Quiet is king. 

I watch as the water drips from the sky.  Amazing, really, the water cycle.  Who knows where these drops of water have come from, or where they will end up...

The sky is gray and the day has a contemplative feel to it.  Rain slides down the window pane, racing each other to the bottom.

The minutes tick away.

And then the students arrive.

I sit on a bench just inside the doorway of the Hall of Arts and Letters and watch as they pour into the building, out of the rain.

The gray day is brightened with their colors.

Yellow rain boots, red umbrellas, polka dotted jackets and even a pair of green pants.  Faces pass me, unaware of my presence.

Some have braved the downpour without umbrellas and the water slides down their head and neck, the hair sticking to their foreheads.  A few teasing remarks about lost umbrellas and soggy clothes fly as several unruly boys spill through the doorway. 

The scent of the rain comes in through the doorway.  It is a spring rain.  It has a different smell than winter, and yet lacks the humidity of summer.

Shoes squeak by and I watch the variety of them as they walk by.

Some wear sandals, perhaps too eagerly anticipating a warmer day, and their feet are soaked and dripping.

Some wear high heels and I can only shake my head.

Wet rubber sneaker bottoms lend themselves to the noise that has arisen, as they whine against the floors.

Umbrellas are shaken out, folded up and closed as the chattering students enter the building.  Water drips onto the floor, leaving behind puddles and traces of the outdoors.

The pack of students grows as the time for class to begin nears.  The noise level increases, as does the downpour outside.  

Water now slaps to the ground, filling crevices and piling up, creating puddles and miniature streams along sidewalks and through the grass.

The stream of students slows to a trickle and I stand, lifting my bag to my shoulder.  I step carefully around the puddles and head to class. 

On another day, I might dance in the rain, lift my hands to the open skies and let the water fall upon my face, the warm drops spilling into my mouth and splashing on my hair.  I might twirl around and enjoy the intoxicating freshness of spring, find puddles to jump in and squish my toes in the newly formed mud.

But for now, I shoulder my schoolbag and face the indoors, leaving the rain behind.

It will return another day.

This will be me. 

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but sit shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." [Isaiah 55:10-11]

I love pictures like this.  That's all. 

[This post was written in honor of Grove City's notorious rainy weather...and was an attempt to perhaps see it in a bit of a brighter, more romanticized light.]

The Other Side of the Coin

Break is coming.  It is almost here. And with it comes my last time being at home until I graduate from college.

Weird.

I have had senioritis for quite some time, although my workload has (thankfully) kept me from doing anything about it (ie...being lazy).  I am ready to graduate, to move on to a new step, to be done with tests, and flashcards and finals and dorm rooms and cafeteria food.  But mostly cafeteria food.

This past Friday, however, I played in my last orchestra concert and a new feeling suddenly hit me. I realized that this could be the last time I play in an orchestra.  I mean, if I really wanted to, I could probably find an orchestra to play in once I graduate, but it won't be the same as having the college orchestra right at my fingertips (no pun intended). 

And that's when the other side of being a senior hit me...the moving on side...the side that realizes that there are things that college offers that I won't have again. 

Don't get me wrong.

I'm still ready to graduate.

But I suddenly realized that there are two sides to this coin...like every coin…it just took me a bit to realize it for this one.  Or at least, for the knowledge of this other side to begin to sink in.

I think it comes down to balance.  Again. I know I just recently talked about balance, but it keeps coming up.  There is a balance between saying hello and saying goodbye.  Between rejoicing in the past and moving forward without looking back. 

And the center of this balance rests in Christ.  In trusting Him.   My future is still uncertain (in my mind).  I don't have a set job, I don't have a car, I don't know what the next year will hold for me.  But I know that Christ will be my Rock.  He has a plan, has determined my future, knows what is best for me and will not let me go.  He has faithfully brought me through (almost) four of college, teaching me, showing me grace and growing me.  And He will continue to be with me.

As the Elevation Band sings, "Give me faith, to trust what You say.  That You're good and Your love is great."

Moving forward can be hard, but I don't want to move back. There are "good works set out in advance for me to do" (Ephesians 2:10).  Our life is not supposed to be stagnant.  We're supposed to be growing, moving, changing. 

I pray that God will give me the dedication to finish well here, the faith to move on with contentment and the joy to live each day fully to His glory.

February at the Grove

*The sun shone for about 2 hours last week.  It was the most glorious part of the week. I didn't know sunshine in Grove City was possible this time of year.

*Oh wait!  Make that...sunshine is a miracle here, unless there's a tour.  Then the sun will most definitely be shining.

*Perhaps this is God smiling on Grove City College so all the young, unsuspecting high school seniors are led to believe this is a sunny place.

*Oddly enough, despite the gray, there has been very little snow. 

*Running on a treadmill is pretty close to torture.  Running in tiny circles on the indoor track is painful. 

*Nothing will ever beat running outside.  Even the 25* weather and 6am morning can't deter me.

*Memories are one of my sweetest treasures.  Can you imagine a life without memories?

*Oh! Don't do that. It's not fun.

*I'm ready for Spring.  For so many reasons:

-sunshine

-warm breezes

-flip-flops

-sunshine

-almost graduation time

-light jackets

-Touring Choir's tour

-sunshine

*I love getting packages. And mail. And letters.

[This may seem random, but it is amazing how a simple letter can bring so much sunshine to a gray February day.]

*This comic strip reminds me of a recent conversation I had with my own dad about the large amount of homework and what college is about:

*While I have perhaps reached the age when I can indeed see some of the pleasures in learning...I can also sympathize with Calvin here

*Homework seems, at times, never ending.

*Speaking of parents...I talked to them right through the closing of the cafeteria the other night (my fault - not theirs!) and so had to eat Ramen for dinner.

*Oh the great delights of being a college kid.

*God is good. So good. I only pray that I can learn to see it more often.

*How quickly we forget the Gospel. February is a good month to preach the Gospel to yourself.

*Okay. Every month is a good month to preach the Gospel to yourself, but this is the "February" post…

*One week until Spring Break! 

*4 weeks until Spring actually begins…!

Majesty

I've been reading "Knowing God" by JI Packer.

Man, I love when my classes assign me books like that for homework.  Homework: learning about your Creator. Yes, please!

I read recently about God being majestic.  Packer acknowledged that God is indeed a personal God, and this truth is obvious from the very first few chapters of Genesis.  But he also wrote that so often we miss out on knowing God and learning who God truly is because we make Him so personal and so intimate, that we forget how big, and powerful and great He is.  We make Him small, our own personal God, who does what we want Him to, and only when we want Him to. 

I find myself doing this.  Sometimes, it feels nice to have a small god. I can understand a small god, because a small god is just like me. Of course, he would be able to fix things I can't and he'd probably know a little more than I do, but he's much like I am.  And if I can understand my god, than I can control him, right?  And if I can control my god, then I can basically have a god serving me. 

Boy, I sure make life all about me, don't I?

[Do you find yourself doing this? Or am I alone in this one?]

And this was Packer's point:

A small god is NOT my God. 

A small god is a worthless god.  A small god is not omniscient, or omnipresent, or omnipotent.

God, the God of the Bible, is the creator of Heaven, and Earth, and the stars, and flowers, and squirrels, and humans, and atoms, and planets, and dust mites...He is the God who controls the sea, the rain, the lightning and the snow...He's the God who speaks and creates, the God who suffered and died at the hands of angry sinners to redeem them from death…

This God is not small.

This God knows me more intimately than I know myself.

I cannot control Him. 

This God is not 'safe'. 

I should fear Him.  He is far above anything I can imagine or create.

I should worship Him. He deserves more glory than I could and will ever give Him.

This God is majestic.  This is a God that I can put all my trust in because I KNOW He's bigger than all the things I can face. 

This is a God I can depend and rely on and put my faith in.  He is worthy of this.

My small god can't protect, save, redeem, heal, comfort or love me. 

A small god is selfish.

A majestic God puts me in proper place: a place of fearing, worshipping and adoring my great Savior.

I pray that God will continue to graciously reveal more of Himself to us, that we might fully fear and fully love Him, coming to know the true God as mighty and majestic. 

"Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?" [Exodus 15:11]

Thinking Outloud

If I could sum up my life in one word right now, it would be "hurried". 

I have an overwhelming amount of constant work this semester which keeps me going from the moment I get up until I get to bed. If I'm not doing work...I should be.  The amount of work was unexpected, to say the least, especially seeing as I only have four classes.  I have become slightly spastic about my time and planning and I mark out my day by the hour, to ensure that I have enough time to accomplish everything that I need to do. 

Recently, I have become frustrated with this fast-paced life and the endless routine that seems never ceasing (at least until May!).

I miss my quiet afternoons from last semester that gave me time to think and to catch up with life outside the Grove City "bubble".   I realized last night that one of the things I miss the most is conversations.  I don't have? take? as much time to call home, to call friends, to catch up with people I don't see very often.  Dinner and lunch dates are typically cut short by a sighed "homework time". 

Even after three and a half years of college (and five years of homeschooling), I feel as if I am still needing to learn how to prioritize.  I know my schoolwork is important and so it has been hard to find the balance between doing my work well and in a timely manner, and making sure that I engage in conversations, in giving and taking, in blessing and receiving, in sharing and laughing and crying with other people.

Balance. It is a word that has come up in my life many, many times recently. And it is such a hard thing.  Having been a gymnast, my mental picture is always of a balance beam - a four inch wide, four feet high beam.  Staying on the beam...not so easy.  Slipping off on either side takes just the tiniest misstep.

I haven't found the balance here at school this semester, in balancing "school life" and "real life".  I don't know what it is. 

I have just one observation that I realized this week:

My church is doing a "Lord's Watch" this year and many people signed up to prayer for half an hour at a time, once a week, all year.  I was home when the signing up was going on, so I joined in.  To be honest, I think these past few weeks, as the Lord's Watch began, have been some of my longest times of prayer, ever.  I'm not sure I've ever even tried to pray for half an hour before.  I have found this time of prayer to be the most refreshing time of the week.

Yes, I have to schedule it in and sometimes it seems like I have too much to do to pray.  But when I stop and pray, I find myself refreshed.  I believe the cause of it is this:  when I'm praying, I'm not focusing on myself or my schoolwork.  My focus is on Christ, where it should be.  (Certainly, it's not there the whole half hour...I'm not so great at that, but I'm working on it!)  When I place myself at the foot of the Cross, when my eyes are on Jesus, life makes so much more sense.  Life is about the One who created life, life is about giving glory and praise to the only One who deserves it. 

I don't want to turn this into "just do this, this and this and life will be great" situation.  That's not how it works.  But I think that I am finding that even when life is crazy, even when it's hard, or busy, that Christ is still the center.

I'm not certain if my thought process made much sense.  I am having trouble processing all the thoughts that are currently buzzing around my brain, so I apologize if this post seems a little disorganized…

I suppose then, that my final conclusion is this: The GOSPEL!  (sounds just like the last post, eh?) Preach the Gospel to yourself.  Preach Christ. Preach truth.  Preach freedom from sin.  Be reminded of His power, His peace and His presence.  These are what bring me through each day.